


Tibetanese Chanting

by Gadhar



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Sexual innuendos, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2277312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gadhar/pseuds/Gadhar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But he's on the damn <em>table,</em>" Gunner cries, indignant, hands gesturing vaguely with a knife. "We eat there."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tibetanese Chanting

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, yo, we need to get Gunner's name straight. I swear, everywhere I go it's different. However, I'm going with the 'er' spelling because the Expendables wiki said so. So yeah.
> 
> Just fluff. I feel like Lee could be a real weirdo at times, a result of the life he's led and picking up strange habits throughout the years. It may also be the influence of some other Statham movies I've been watching.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. I really wish I did though. But it's Sly's brainchild.
> 
> I beta'd. A friend beta'd. I probably still managed to mess it up.

"What the hell is he doing?" Gunner asks and Barney can't really do anything but sigh and try not to facepalm. 

Lee's...chanting. Yeah. _Chanting._ In a language that's similar to Mandarin but not quite. Then again, for all he knows about the Asian languages it could be Mandarin. Or Chinese. Or freaking Tibetanese. 

Still, Lee's sitting on the table, _the table_ , legs crossed in a position that makes Barney want to wince (because he sure as hell ain't that flexible) and has his head bowed low, nose to his feet. 

"Maybe it's yoga or something," he mutters but really, Lee has never struck him as a yoga type of guy. 

"But he's on the damn _table,_ " Gunner cries, indignant, hands gesturing vaguely with a knife. "We eat there." 

Barney takes a step back, just in case, and shrugs. 

Lee's weird. Truthfully, they all have their strange quirks but Lee's just...quirkier. And maybe it's because the man has no shame, Barney doesn't know. Whereas the guys try to do their thing on their own time in their own space, Lee does his thing wherever the hell he happens to be. He puts it out there with no acknowledgement that there's even anyone else _there._

So, that makes Lee the weirdest of them. Easy. 

And Barney has known this for years. Ever since the two of them started working together, Barney's been aware of Lee and his Lee-ness. It doesn't really bother him, it never really did, but he can't say he's used to it either. 

He's seen Lee go through breathing exercises followed with fervent push-ups on the roof in the buff. 

And it still isn't the weirdest thing he's seen. 

For awhile it was a thing where he'd apologize and walk out, Lee never acknowledging him. But then it turned into a thing where Barney just shrugged and went about his business. Sometimes he talked to Lee if it was a weird thing that Lee allowed himself to talk during. 

Every day Barney usually sees something new. And he's at the point where if he's not shrugging it off, he stands there watching trying to figure out why Lee does what he does. 

Sometimes he's wrong, sometimes he's right. It's a mental challenge either way. 

So yes, while it is weird to see Lee doing his thing on the table they all eat at, Barney's just glad the man's not naked. 

He likes to keep his food sanitary, thank you very much. 

"Well get him off. How the fuck am I supposed to clean my guns with his ass in the way?" 

"Why are we cleaning guns on the kitchen table anyway? We discussed this Gunner, no weapons in the kitchen." 

"You have a gun in the drawer right next to your knives. And a grenade in the-" 

Barney waves a hand. "That's different. Use the lounge table." 

"Toll has it filled up with his stupid books." 

"Books?" 

"Some shit on healthy relationships. I don't know and as long as it isn't my book on pyrolysis, I don't care." 

"What is it with you guys? You have your own places. Alright, fuck, just, use the table in my room. Don't touch anything." 

Gunner gives him a grin and a salute, sauntering off with a "As you say, fearless leader." 

Barney turns his gaze back to Lee and considers his options. 

It is the kitchen, and he makes sure the guys know the rules about the kitchen and that they keep their private shit out of said kitchen, but Lee... 

Barney is somewhat anxious about what might happen if he makes Lee stop. For all he knows, this weird yoga whatever this is that Lee's doing, could be some way of locking away some maniac beast within Lee. Like the Incredible Hulk or something. And quite frankly, if it means getting smashed then Barney wants no part of it. 

Still. It's the kitchen. _His_ kitchen. 

So Barney takes his first full step into the kitchen and stands right in front of Lee. 

Lee keeps on chanting, head bowed, and it isn't until Barney taps him on the dome with a finger that he looks up. 

It's a quick glance of curiosity that Lee gives him before returning to his bowed position. 

"Oh, hey Barn. Need something?" 

"You. Off the table." 

Lee breathes out and slowly rises, muscles flexing as he moves. He sits straight, stretches his legs out before him in a 'V' shape before putting his hands down and pushing himself up, shifting his legs out to the side as he does. 

Barney has a brief mental image of doing that same move himself and getting a hernia. 

"Can it wait a minute? I'm almost done." 

"No," Barney says because it's a documented fact in every thesaurus on the planet that Lee's minute is actually something closer to three hours. Three fucking hours Barney can't afford to waste because he has to feed a bunch of musclebound psychopaths and his spaghetti sauce takes time. _A lot of time._ "Get your ass off the table." 

"Alright, alright. Sheesh, such a cranky old bastard, aren't ya?" Lee keeps his legs spread in an even wider 'V' before he brings them back, stretching up into a handstand that leads to a roll off the table. 

Barney lets himself think of Lee as a dancer for a moment. The Brit probably would have been good at it. Turned ballet into something dangerous as well. Still, Lee has a grace that puts some women to shame. 

"Can't you do that stuff somewhere else? Your _own_ table maybe?" 

Lee just gives him this look, one Barney can't read but that is accompanied by a quirk at the corners of Lee's mouth. "I thought you liked it when I'm on your table?" 

And then Barney gets it. Gets it in the form of picture perfect memory and damn near body memory too. He clenches his fist and makes sure he's not blushing because that would definitely not be appropriate right now. 

" _Get your fucking pretty British ass_ out of my kitchen before I bend you over the table _again_ for something entirely different than what you're thinking!" Barney tries not to pop a vein, he really does, and he remembers something about trying to keep his blood pressure low or some shit that people his age are supposed to worry about according to all those damn commercials. He tries. But he's pretty sure the way Lee's _giggling,_ that he's failed. 

"Ooh, kinky." Lee winks and barely dodges out of the way of the smack Barney aims towards his head. Lee dances his way out of the kitchen on tiptoes still giggling in that stupid schoolgirl way he _knows_ irritates Barney. 

Barney stands there looking at the spot where Lee disappeared and tries not to make a grab for that grenade Gunner mentioned when he hears Trench behind him say, "That was _adorable._ " 


End file.
